The Youth I Wish I Still Had

Today, I realized how young, innocent, and adorable my brother is.

No matter what he does, it's cute. I was putting him down for a nap when I realized that when he squeezed his little eyelids shut because I told him to, his eyelashes would move in this cute little way. Now, every one's eyelashes do it too, but I don't think it has ever looked so adorable. He can be a complete spaz and get away with it.

At the dinner table, he puffed out his cheeks, sat quietly, and rose his hand. We have no idea where he got it from, but he did it. We said "yes?" and "James?" many times until he said "I have to go potty." Only a 4-year old could get away with that.

I miss the imagination I used to harbour. After wrestling in our jumpy house, we deflated it and pretended we were in a rocket ship. We flew to the moon, found aliens, and he shot them. Before more would come and attack, we got back on the ship and flew back to Earth. Unfortunately, an alien attached himself to our rocket ship and when we got to Earth, James tried to shoot him again, failing. Then as we folded up the deflated jumpy house, the alien began to help us and we made peace with him. I wish I still could imagine the way he did. The enthusiasm he had in the game. I miss that.

~Mystery Note~

This is just me.

I don't know what I'm going to write.

I'm just going to let my fingers fly across the keyboard.

Maybe I could talk about the happiness I feel right now.

Maybe I will mention the love my heart is filled with.

Maybe I can tell you about how my cat just flew out of no where.

Or how "someday you will find me, caught beneath a landslide in a champagne supernova".

And I could ask "where were you while we were getting high?"

I could tell you about how I just added a ton of songs on my iPod.

And now my iPod is on shuffle, sitting next to me.

I'm not going to change whatever song comes on next.

I'm going to see what it is and I will listen to it.

I lied.

I changed it.

My elephant is looking at me.

No, I'm not high.

And no, the elephant is not real.

My stuffed elephant from across the room is looking at me.

His name is Principo.

Just thought you should know.

My mind is hopping everywhere and to you, this probably makes no sense.

Sorry.

Sorry again, but I don't care if you can understand this.

This is me.

You don't have to understand me.

Or my random mind.

But if you're reading this, you most likely know me and already know I'm crazy.

Wow.

I am proud of you for making it this far in the note.

Are you really this bored to read this?

Am I really this bored for writing it?

Yes.

So.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

Yeah.

I have nothing to say.

This is a first.

Irony: the song playing is "Say It Right"

Hmm.

I changed it.

Lalalalaaalaaaa

Have you ever gone to lala.com?

It's pretty legit.

Cheaper music than iTunes.

Gotta love that.

Music I feel like listening to right now:

A Day To Remember

Brittney Spears

Spoon

The Good Listeners

Tess Dunn

While on the topic of music,

I found some new stuff I love.

Why is this double spaced?

Whatever.

I can't figure out how to fix it.

Anyway.

New music I've come to love:

Jack Johnson

Millionyoung

Mat Kearney

Spoon

The Good Listeners

Laura Veirs

Oasis

Boys like Girls

Fruit Bats

Carolina Liar

Sparks the Rescue

Kris Allen

Hall & Oates

Broken Bells

Diane Birch

Okay, not all of that was new music I've come to love.

But those are the artists that have recently been added to my iPod.

Yay for free iTunes music!

So I think I'm going to go do one of my hobbies.

Lurking.

Not in a stalker-ish way.

But just hopping around Facebook.

Okay, yeah.

Kind of stalking.

But either way,

I'm out.

True Friends

Today I realized that I have 2 true friends.

I have two people I can go to about anything.

2 people who can make me smile without trying.

2 people who I can just spill my heart to.

2 people who I can cry to.

2 people who can take 1 look at me and know what's wrong.

2 people who I've made amazing memories with.

2 people who make me high off life.

2 people who keep me young at heart.

2 people who can treat the worst depression.

2 people who I can trust with my life.

2 people I'd want by my side in any situation.

2 people who can fix my entire day with few words.

2 people who can tell me the truth.

2 people who are brutally honest.

2 people I can fight with and still love.

2 people I never want to leave my life.

2 people who know pretty much everything about me.

2 people who probably know me better than I know myself.

2 people who will always be there for me no matter what mistakes I make.

2 people who will love me no matter how much I change.

2 people who pretty much are my sisters.

2 people who are my brain twins.

2 people who will tell me how right I am and how stupid he is.

2 people who are always on my side.

2 people who aren't afraid to fight against me.

2 people who are so honest.

2 people who I can have a wordless conversation with.

2 people I never run out of things to say to.

2 people I can just sit around with but still have fun.

2 people who understand me.

2 people who love me unconditionally.

2 people who will never talk about me behind me back.

2 people are my true friends.

Yadda Yadda Yadda

Hello world,

I don't have much to say, but I want to write. Just a stream of my conscience. [= I don't see why people smoke. Or get drunk. Or high. What's the point? Why not find your anti-drugs? Like me. [: Beaches. Music. Love. My anti-drugs. [: Beaches are calm. Music is relaxing. Love can make you have more fun than any drug ever could. So why do anything else?

Without drugs, I have ambition. I have dreams. And nothing can stop me from reaching my goals. Nothing can stop me from following my passions. Photography. Surgery. Modeling. Singing. Being melodramatic. Hyperbolistic. All the little things that make up me. They aren't going anywhere and I love it. [=

I love my friends. They are the ones who are drug free and who are so high on life that none of us will ever need anything else. [: We love our time together and we cherish each moment of it. We make memories. Good and bad. Either way they are unforgettable. [=

My imagination is my acid. My music is my weed. My love is my addiction.

Beach. Music. Love.

Just A Little Slice of Me

I love the beach.

I love music.

I love him.

I love movies.

I love vintage.

I love photography.

I love being inspired.

I love sunglasses.

I love {500} Day of Summer.

I love my friends.

I love my family.

I love my phone.

I love my iPod.

I love rain.

I love awkward situations.

I love sports.

I love swimming.

I love the pool.

I love the field.

I love soccer.

I love water polo.

I love summer.

I love spring.

I love winter.

I love fall.

I love cities.

I love sushi.

I love urban.

I can't wait for college.

I can't wait to fulfill my dreams.

I can't wait to live up to my expectations.

I can't wait for responsibility.

I can't wait to make mistakes.

I can't wait to fix them.

I can't wait to model.

I can't wait to learn.

I can't wait to make a difference.

I want to mature.

I want to change.

I want change.

I want to succeed.

I want peace.

I want war to end.

I want people to care.

I want to act.

I want to sing.

I want to be in Sweeney Todd.

I want my ankles to be better.

I want to be able to play soccer.

I want to be good at singing, acting, modeling, and operating.

I want to stay forever young.

I want to stay healthy.

I want to stay happy.

I want others to feel the way I do.

I want to express myself.

I want to write.

I don't want to grow up.

You.

I lay in bed thinking of you.
Grasping a blanket,
Wishing it was you.
Needing you.
Wanting you.
Filling my head with amazing love lyrics.
Just wishing you were here next to me.
You are why I can't fall asleep.
Even if you fill my thoughts and make it so I can't stop thinking of you,
I think I love you.

I want to make you smile.
I want you to make me smile.
I want to be with you.
I want to hold you and never let go.
I want you to fall in love with me as fast as I fell for you.
I want to forget the world around us, and be in our own, where it is just us.
Even for just one day.

You are beautiful inside and out.
I want to be a part of your life.
I want you to be a part of mine.
I want to share good times and bad.
I want to share the most memorable minutes of my life, with you.
I want us to live each moment like it's our last.
I want to appreciate every minute we are together.
I want to be happy with you.
I want you to be happy with me.

I don't see any flaws in you.
I want to take your broken heart and mend it.
I want to be able to call you mine.
I don't want to ever break your heart.
I don't want you to break mine.
I don't want anyone to hurt you.
I wish people hadn't hurt you.
I want you to love me.
I feel like I've known you forever.
I feel like I know you better than anyone else.
I feel like we'd be perfect together.

Too bad you don't know I exist.
Maybe one day.